I was a forward thinking child from an early age having had my Davy Crockett hat stolen from my head at the age of five. I reasoned that the bigger you are the more likely you are to get away with things like that. Unfortunately I was no great size, so I reasoned, not unnaturally in my view, that I needed allies to retrieve that hat. A week pasted and despite my protestation to friends, no gathering of quasi Tennesseans formed for the vendetta, so I took matters into my own hands. I stole my mothers jewelry. This was my first venture into the shadowy world of bribery and courting power. Not being aware of the term ‘sexist’ I distributed these treasured trinkets showing no bias to either gender at my Junior School in an attempt to ‘buy’ my gang. This was not a great strategy on my part but a valuable lesson was soon learnt. Never trust a woman with an unsolicited gift. Before the closing School Bell could ring one eminently forgettable female had reported my largesse to ‘Miss‘ who immediately changed from being the all singing and dancing recipient of my polished apple, into a finger wagging ear pinching tyrant. She lead me by the throbbing lobe through the building collecting on our way all the misappropriated goods from my would be avengers. Mum and Dad were not best pleased.
Daniel Kemp’s Books