Auntie Pru

Mum was in the kitchen,
Dad was on the loo.
Jimmy was in the hallway,
He was kissing auntie Pru.

The dog was in the bathtub,
The cat was climbing a rope.
The canary was screaming blue murder,
As the dog hit the cat with a bar of soap!

The cat dived into the water.
The dog jumped onto the loo.
Dad ran into the hallway
And hit Jimmy with his shoe.

Mum grabbed her sister by the collar,
‘Leave my son alone,’ she yelled.
The cat ran down the stairs dripping water.
As mum opened the door and Pru was expelled.

The dog made his way into the kitchen,
Where the cat lay damp but at peace.
Jimmy was the centre of mum’s attention,
But there was a knock on the door from her niece!

Pru’s daughter had come to avenge her mother
Who she thought had been insulted and spurned.
It was all of them who she was really after,
As there was a lesson that needed to be learned.

‘Mum was here on a peaceful mission.
She came to wish young Jimmy good luck.
He’s off to the sea tomorrow morning,
But your minds are full of muck.’

Mum went back to her kitchen.
Dad went out to his shed.
The police called the very next morning
And found seven bodies laying dead.

The moral of this story is the most obvious.
Keep an eye on auntie Pru.
But if you must have altercations,
Lock the door to the privy and the loo.

About Daniel Kemp

At the age of seventy-six, Daniel Kemp has started his second year of studying the science of Psychology at the Open University. He is a member of The Society of Authors and also a bestselling writer. However, in early September 2025, he was diagnosed with cancer. He is now in palliative care at home, being looked after by his ex-wife. When he was writing his novels, he enjoyed writing stories that appealed to those who liked challenging themselves to solve mysteries that were set out before their eyes, but they couldn't. His introduction to the world of espionage and mystery happened at an early age when his father was employed by the War Office in Whitehall, London, at the end of WWII. However, it wasn’t until after his father died that he showed any interest in anything other than himself! On leaving academia he took on many roles in his working life: a London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver, but never did he plan to become a writer. Nevertheless, after a road traffic incident left him suffering from PTSD and effectively—out of paid work for four years, he wrote and self-published his first novel —The Desolate Garden. Within three months of publication, that book was under a paid option to become a $30 million film. The option lasted for six years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company. All ten of his novels are now published by Next Chapter Publishing Company which has added an edition titled The Heirs And Descendants Collection, which holds all four books of that series, alongside an edition titled The Lies And Consequences Collection which contains all four volumes of that series. He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication and described as—the new Graham Green—by a highly placed executive of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of book signing events. He has also appeared on 'live' television in the UK publicising his first novel. Less

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