Christmas Day

I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Stay Safe and Well

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Smorgasbord Christmas Laughter Lines Extra Rewind with Hosts Debby Gies and Danny Kemp – Netflix and Diamonds

I’m co-staring with Debby Giles on the microphone at the Smorgasbord Christmas Laughter Lines. Merry Christmas to you all. Stay well and stay safe.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

I hope you are having a wonderful day and please have a glass of wine if you are so inclined from are special reserve Chateau Cronin…

Despite 2021 being another year of drawbacks…..laughter has been as important as ever. Two fellow bloggers have cohorted with me this year and today I have put them together in a Christmas post…Debby Gies and Danny Kemp who I am very grateful to for keeping the smiles going. Today is no exception.. Happy, Merry Christmas

Ladies first… thanks Debby for a year of funnies..

If you have not discovered the non-fiction books by D.G. Kaye: Amazon USAnd: Amazon UK Blog: D.G. WritesGoodreads: D.G. Kaye on Goodreads – Twitter: @pokercubster

Check out Debby’s 2020/2021 series here on Smorgasbord: The Realms of Relationships by D.G. Kaye

Now time for some of Danny Kemp’s special brand of…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – December 2nd 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – To Do Lists and Police visit

Thank you once again, Sally, you really are very generous. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed the jokes.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

Age inspired resolutions.

As I was sitting around, pondering the problems of the world, I realised that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.

  • If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
  • A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
  • A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
  • And you tell me to exercise??

I don’t think so. Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – November 11th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Blonde Men and Holiday Offer

Frivolity and Laughter at—Another Open Mic Night

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And to finish off

Sorry, but I need to moan!

I experienced the WORST customer service yesterday at a store in town. I don’t want to mention the name of the store because I’m not sure how I’m going to proceed.

Yesterday I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn’t work. So this morning, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund. The girl in the store told me “NO” and very rudely too, I asked if I could exchange it for something else in the store instead, again…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – October 28th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Infringement and Cake Mix

Another fun night on the Mic at the Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

How Adam Got Eve

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, ‘What’s wrong with you?’

Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
and that it would be called a woman.

He said, ‘This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you.’

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you. She will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.

She will praise you…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – October 14th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Recovery Time and Lost in Translation

Another Night of Humour at The Open Mic Night

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And to finish off….Lost in Translation.

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. if you know the bible, even a little, you’ll find this hilarious! It comes from a Caithness school test.

Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinness. god got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came…

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Poems by Phone…because sometimes you need a shot of magic

A Good Idea? What do you think?

BRIDGET WHELAN writer

This is NOT the phone booth…I’m sure they have something much swankier and poetic

I’ve just read that a new bright blue telephone booth has been installed in Dubuque, Iowa to give callers a direct line to poetry.
It is a year long project set up by a local arts group called Voice Productions. You can choose which poem to listen to as there is a directory to consult, but I hope there’s a random option too. I’d use it to discover what kind of day I was going to have.
Real and visceral, like a Sharon Olds poem with pain and beauty threaded through very ordinary things, the way the light in the hall shines through a half open door, a dried fleck of semen.
Or a Byronic day, big and grand and terribly magnificent but not so easy to understand, although perhaps I pretend I can.
Or an…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – October 1st 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Take the Bus and Wildlife..

A night of laughter and jokes on the Open Mic Night

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And to finish off….Marriage…

Comparisons…

My missus and I went to the Royal Kent Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said “THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR”.

She playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled, and said ‘He mated 50 times last year, that’s almost once a week.’

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said “THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR”.

She gave me a healthy jab and said, ‘Wow, that’s more than twice! a week! You could learn a lot from him.’

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finding yourself.

I wish I’d thought of it!

I didn't have my glasses on....

A missing man in Turkey accidentally joined his own search party for hours before realizing he was the person they were looking for, local media reports.

Beyhan Mutlu had been drinking with friends on Tuesday when he wandered into a forest in Bursa province.

When he failed to return, his wife and friends alerted local authorities and a search party was sent out.

Mr Mutlu, 50, then stumbled across the search party and decided to join them, NTV reported.

But when members of the search party began calling out his name, he replied: “I am here.”He was taken aside by one of the rescuer workers to give a statement. “Don’t punish me too harshly, officer. My father will kill me,” he reportedly told them. Police then drove Mr Mutlu home. It is not clear if he was given a fine.

“you cannot find yourself till you lose yourself.”

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