If last week you carpeted the ceiling and today you’re painting the floor
Then remember the first rule of decorating; always work towards the door.
I once knew a man who never knew this, and he worked in the opposite way.
He went mad and was locked in an asylum and is still locked in today!
He was found wearing short trousers, gloves on his ears in case of rain.
He told the truth of his predilections and was sectioned as being insane.
If you think you’re insane but don’t know it here’s a test you can try when alone:
Do a crossword when laying in bed then eat the newspaper when sitting on the throne.
If twelve across gets stuck in your gullet and fourteen down is too hard to do,
Then ask a passing policeman if there’s anything he can do for you.
When he hits you on his head with his truncheon and you scream, yell and faint
Then I must tell you that if you have feelings then mad you definitely ain’t!
© 2016, Danny Kemp. All rights reserved.
About Daniel Kemp
At the age of seventy-six, Daniel Kemp has started his second year of studying the science of Psychology at the Open University. He is a member of The Society of Authors and also a bestselling writer. However, in early September 2025, he was diagnosed with cancer. He is now in palliative care at home, being looked after by his ex-wife. When he was writing his novels, he enjoyed writing stories that appealed to those who liked challenging themselves to solve mysteries that were set out before their eyes, but they couldn't.
His introduction to the world of espionage and mystery happened at an early age when his father was employed by the War Office in Whitehall, London, at the end of WWII. However, it wasn’t until after his father died that he showed any interest in anything other than himself!
On leaving academia he took on many roles in his working life: a London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver, but never did he plan to become a writer. Nevertheless, after a road traffic incident left him suffering from PTSD and effectively—out of paid work for four years, he wrote and self-published his first novel —The Desolate Garden.
Within three months of publication, that book was under a paid option to become a $30 million film. The option lasted for six years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company.
All ten of his novels are now published by Next Chapter Publishing Company which has added an edition titled The Heirs And Descendants Collection, which holds all four books of that series, alongside an edition titled The Lies And Consequences Collection which contains all four volumes of that series.
He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication and described as—the new Graham Green—by a highly placed executive of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of book signing events. He has also appeared on 'live' television in the UK publicising his first novel.
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