If You Have Feelings Then Mad You Definitely Ain’t!

 

If last week you carpeted the ceiling and today you’re painting the floor
Then remember the first rule of decorating; always work towards the door.
I once knew a man who never knew this, and he worked in the opposite way.
He went mad and was locked in an asylum and is still locked in today!
He was found wearing short trousers, gloves on his ears in case of rain.
He told the truth of his predilections and was sectioned as being insane.

If you think you’re insane but don’t know it here’s a test you can try when alone:
Do a crossword when laying in bed then eat the newspaper when sitting on the throne.
If twelve across gets stuck in your gullet and fourteen down is too hard to do,
Then ask a passing policeman if there’s anything he can do for you.
When he hits you on his head with his truncheon and you scream, yell and faint
Then I must tell you that if you have feelings then mad you definitely ain’t!

© 2016, Danny Kemp. All rights reserved.

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About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp, ex-London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver never planned to be a writer, but after his first novel —The Desolate Garden — was under a paid option to become a $30 million film for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company what else could he do? Nowadays he is a prolific storyteller, and although it’s true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows most about; murders laced by the intrigue involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he compiles both for adults and children. He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication, been described as —the new Graham Green — by a managerial employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of signing events, and he has appeared on ‘live' television.
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