If You Have Feelings Then Mad You Definitely Ain’t!


If last week you carpeted the ceiling and today you’re painting the floor
Then remember the first rule of decorating; always work towards the door.
I once knew a man who never knew this, and he worked in the opposite way.
He went mad and was locked in an asylum and is still locked in today!
He was found wearing short trousers, gloves on his ears in case of rain.
He told the truth of his predilections and was sectioned as being insane.

If you think you’re insane but don’t know it here’s a test you can try when alone:
Do a crossword when laying in bed then eat the newspaper when sitting on the throne.
If twelve across gets stuck in your gullet and fourteen down is too hard to do,
Then ask a passing policeman if there’s anything he can do for you.
When he hits you on his head with his truncheon and you scream, yell and faint
Then I must tell you that if you have feelings then mad you definitely ain’t!

© 2016, Danny Kemp. All rights reserved.


About Danny Kemp

I was at work one sunny November day in 2006, stopped at a red traffic light when a van, driven incompetently, smashed into me. I was taken to St Thomas' Hospital and kept in for a while, but it was not only the physical injuries that I suffered from; it was also mental ones. I had lost confidence in myself let alone those around me. The experts said that I had post-traumatic stress disorder, which I thought only the military or emergency personnel suffered from. On good days, I attempted to go to work, sometimes I even made it through Blackwell Tunnel only to hear, or see, something that made me jump out of my skin and that's when the anxiety attacks would start. I told my wife that I was okay and going regularly, but I wasn't. I could not cope with life and thought about ending it. Somehow or other with the help of my wife and medical professionals, I managed to survive and ever so slowly rebuild my self-esteem. It took almost four years to fully recover, but it was during those dark depressive days that I began to write. My very first story, Look Both Ways, Then Look Behind, found a literary agent but not a publisher. He told me that I had a talent, raw, but nevertheless, it was there. His advice was to write another story and that I'm delighted to say, I did. The success of that debut novel, The Desolate Garden, was down to sheer hard work, luck, and of course, meeting a film producer.
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