Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra –August 20th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Misunderstandings and Alibis

Another night on the mike at Sally’s laughter lines

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

Confessional

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”
“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”
The…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra –August 6th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Doctors and Online shopping

Another Open Mic Night at Smorgasbord Laughter Lines

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

By Royal Appointment

Two Aussie outback chaps, Bluey and Curly, see some jobs advertised by the Queen looking for footmen, to walk along beside her carriage.

Bluey says “Hey, we’d be set for life if we snatched them jobs, eh Curley ?”
So they decided to apply.

They eventually get flown over to London and have a direct interview with Her Majesty.

The Queen says to them “Because my footmen must wear small shoes and long white stockings, I must see your ankles, to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen, as it is very important that they look right.”

After they show her their ankles and she is satisfied that they…

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Something you may not have thought about before – what happens when a self-published writer dies

Very useful information

BRIDGET WHELAN writer

This is an interesting article by Derek Haines, a Cambridge CELTA English teacher and author who has been blogging for years about writing and related issues.

Here he digs into what happens to books and royalties after the death of a self-published author. For traditionally published authors there’s unlikely to be an issue as there’s usually a clause in the original contract which covers the situation. However, things aren’t always so clear for those who have gone down the self-published route – although the eventual outcome should be the same ie: your books form part of your estate.

What struck me is that we can’t take for granted that our non-writing friends and family will be aware that copyright does not die with the writer. It exists for 70 years after the death of the author: 70 years when your books might still be earning money.

Click on the link…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – July 23rd 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Football and Tech repairs

Another night of frivolity at the Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra. Pull up the Bath Chair, find those magnifying glasses and have a smile.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And to finish up…

Technical issues

So, Peter finds that his printer is giving faded prints and he takes it to a local repair store dealing in computers and printers.

The friendly assistant at the counter tells Peter that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned.

The counter assistant continues and says, “The store charged £30 for such services, so, it would be a better idea for you to read the printer’s manual and try doing the job yourself.”

Pleasantly surprised by his openness, Peter asks, “Is your boss aware that you discourage business?”

The assistant replies, “Actually it’s my boss’s idea,”

“To be honest, we make a lot more money on…

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Corona-19 V Spanish Flu

With all the technology, medical science, vaccines, and trillions of pounds sterling invested into pharmaceutical companies why is it that an end to this pandemic can not be a commitment made by any medical officer I’ve seen or heard?

Between the years 1918 and 1920 an estimated 50 million people died of the Spanish Flu. It infected about one-third of the world’s population and then it ended. To my knowledge, very little if anything of what I’ve itemised was available to the medical profession during those years so how was it ended?

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – June 25th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Celebrations and Bridges

Laughs and Giggles at the Smorgasbord Laughter Lines blog.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad.

And to finish up…

A man was riding his Harley along a California highway when suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: ‘Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.’

The biker pulled over and said, ‘Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.’

The Lord said, ‘Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required will have to reach the bottom of the Pacific, and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can…

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – June 11th 2021 – Anniversary Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Carbolic Soap and It could be worse

Here’s another bout of laughter delivered to your page.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad. –

It is a year since Danny began to entertain us and here are some reminders of that year and a couple of great jokes that he has shared recently..

And to finish up…one of Danny’s finest….

There was an old country sheriff who always said, “It could have been worse.”
No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: “It could have been worse.”

…One day, two deputies in the Sheriff’s Office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse.

When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death.

When they went to the living…

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The Gift

With knowledge intelligence can grow
From intelligence wisdom could flow

With wisdom one could question all that exists
But imagination is the greatest of gifts.

© 2021, Daniel Kemp All rights reserved.

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No Time For Bloody War

In the silence of the shadows

In the deepest grave that’s ever been,

Lived the voice for all reason

In a world nobody has seen.

Memories will be rewritten
With no pain allowed inside.

Tears will be forgotten.
There’s no time for when you cried.

In the valleys deep and darkened

In the nightmares, in the screams

Lives the Devil that needs fighting

Fill those shadows with your dreams.

Memories will be rewritten
With no pain allowed inside.

Tears will be forgotten.
There’s no time for when you cried.

From the dawning of the sunrise

To the dwindling dusk of night.

Think not of inky skies above you

Fill the darkness with your light.

Memories will be rewritten
With no pain allowed inside.

Tears will be forgotten.
There’s no time for when you cried.

In the world that’s been constructed

In a life only you can claim
.
There’s no darkness of the memories,
There are no memories of the shame.

Memories will be rewritten
With no pain allowed inside.

Tears will be forgotten.
There’s no time for when you cried.

Persecution is forbidden

Hypocrisy is no more

Love is forever unchanging

There’s no time for bloody war.

© 2021 Daniel Kemp All rights reserved

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Smorgasbord Laughter Lines Extra – May 28th 2021 – Another Open Mic Night with author Daniel Kemp – Extra Cash and Army Life

Laughs in the Sun or the Shade.

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Author Daniel Kemp entertains us again with his funnies from: Danny Kemp.. Always a place to find funnies and jokes to cheer you up… plus some satirical political commentary on politicians at home and abroad. –

And to finish up…

A letter received by mistake

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am very well, I hope you are too. Tell big brothers Sean, Paddy, and Mick that the Army is better than working on the farm; tell them to get into the Army quick before the jobs are all gone.

I was a bit slow settling down at first because you don’t get out of bed until 6am, but I got used to it and I like sleeping in now. All you do before breakfast is make your bed, shine your boots and clean your uniform.

No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack, nothing.

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