A Washer, A Washer. My Kingdom For A Washer!


Tongue-in-cheek not to be taken seriously, but then again!

My proposal of declaring independence for the south-east of England has been put on hold for the sake of a washer! Yes, I kid you not. A simple tap washer.

Several months ago it was discovered that the picturesque North Downs, an area stretching through Kent into Sussex, held billions of barrels of oil and huge deposits of gas. Fracking was the solution to its excavation and the government duly issued licenses for the job to be started. 

As I live in Kent, and having suffered from the construction of three major motorways as well as a high-speed rail network linking the UK to Europe, my wife and I decided that if independence was being considered in Scotland, Wales and various other wealth consuming regions, who benefit from free passage through The Garden of England (The official title of Kent) for their exports on route to Europe, this state of self-determination should be extended to us, here in the desolation…. (Good plug there. Hope it wasn’t missed)

Plans were put in force, money raised for a political campaign and assistance sought, in a military capacity, from America to aid our cry for freedom. That part was still being negotiated, and dependent on the new democratic state, called Suskent, funding a permanent land base, plus a naval complex for USA personnel. We were getting there when some tree-hugging, green person, popped up causing ripples by throwing a washer in the works!  

Apparently, said sites of deposits are close to fresh water reservoirs from which natural drinking water is drawn and piped into homes. They now fuss about the possibility of leakage of oil and the contamination of this supply!

I say if antifreeze was commonly added to some European wine without lasting harmful effects, then what damage would a little oil do to the populace? It could be a benefit. Lubrication of the liver, stomach and kidneys could save money for the National Health Service, in time.

Could this needless environmental protest be led by drug manufacturing, multinational companies worried about the budget no longer needed for suppositories? Or worse, a devious American plan of vilification of the indigenous plumbing industry, thereby monopolising all Ukrainian plumbers!

My plea is simple: Is there an Englishmen who makes a suitable washer that would guarantee the purity of underground streams?

Danny Kemp, concerned for leaks.


About Daniel Kemp

Daniel Kemp’s introduction to the world of espionage and mystery happened at an early age when his father was employed by the War Office in Whitehall, London, at the end of WWII. However, it wasn’t until after his father died that he showed any interest in anything other than himself! On leaving academia he took on many roles in his working life: a London police officer, mini-cab business owner, pub tenant and licensed London taxi driver, but never did he plan to become a writer. Nevertheless, after a road traffic accident left him suffering from PTSD and effectively—out of paid work for four years, he wrote and self-published his first novel —The Desolate Garden. Within three months of publication, that book was under a paid option to become a $30 million film. The option lasted for five years until distribution became an insurmountable problem for the production company. All seven of his novels are now published by Creativia with the seventh—The Widow’s Son, completing a three book series alongside: What Happened In Vienna, Jack? and Once I Was A Soldier. Under the Creativia publishing banner, The Desolate Garden went on to become a bestselling novel in World and Russian Literature in 2017. The following year, in May 2018, his book What Happened In Vienna, Jack? was a number one bestseller on four separate Amazon sites: America, UK, Canada, and Australia.  Although it's true to say that he mainly concentrates on what he knows most about; murders laced by the mystery involving spies, his diverse experience of life shows in the short stories he writes, namely: Why? A Complicated Love, and the intriguing story titled The Story That Had No Beginning. He is the recipient of rave reviews from a prestigious Manhattan publication and described as—the new Graham Green—by a highly placed employee of Waterstones Books, for whom he did a countrywide tour of book signing events. He has also appeared on 'live' television in the UK publicising that first novel of his. He continues to write novels, poetry and the occasional quote; this one is taken from the beginning of Once I Was A Soldier There is no morality to be found in evil. But to recognise that which is truly evil one must forget the rules of morality.
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3 Responses to A Washer, A Washer. My Kingdom For A Washer!

  1. Lol! I’m Sure My Hubby Has A Washer Somewhere In His Many Boxes Of Treasures That Would Work Perfectly!

  2. Danny Kemp says:

    Send it over…… LOLOL

  3. Hello colleagues, how is the whole thing, and what you
    wish for to say concerning this paragraph, in my view its
    genuinely amazing in favor of me.

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