Tongue-in-cheek not to be taken seriously, but then again!

My proposal of declaring independence for the south-east of England has been put on hold for the sake of a washer! Yes, I kid you not. A simple tap washer.

Several months ago it was discovered that the picturesque North Downs, an area stretching through Kent into Sussex, held billions of barrels of oil and huge deposits of gas. Fracking was the solution to its excavation and the government duly issued licenses for the job to be started. 

As I live in Kent, and having suffered from the construction of three major motorways as well as a high-speed rail network linking the UK to Europe, my wife and I decided that if independence was being considered in Scotland, Wales and various other wealth consuming regions, who benefit from free passage through The Garden of England (The official title of Kent) for their exports on route to Europe, this state of self-determination should be extended to us, here in the desolation…. (Good plug there. Hope it wasn’t missed)

Plans were put in force, money raised for a political campaign and assistance sought, in a military capacity, from America to aid our cry for freedom. That part was still being negotiated, and dependent on the new democratic state, called Suskent, funding a permanent land base, plus a naval complex for USA personnel. We were getting there when some tree-hugging, green person, popped up causing ripples by throwing a washer in the works!  

Apparently, said sites of deposits are close to fresh water reservoirs from which natural drinking water is drawn and piped into homes. They now fuss about the possibility of leakage of oil and the contamination of this supply!

I say if antifreeze was commonly added to some European wine without lasting harmful effects, then what damage would a little oil do to the populace? It could be a benefit. Lubrication of the liver, stomach and kidneys could save money for the National Health Service, in time.

Could this needless environmental protest be led by drug manufacturing, multinational companies worried about the budget no longer needed for suppositories? Or worse, a devious American plan of vilification of the indigenous plumbing industry, thereby monopolising all Ukrainian plumbers!

My plea is simple: Is there an Englishmen who makes a suitable washer that would guarantee the purity of underground streams?

Danny Kemp, concerned for leaks.